I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
