I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize