watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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