He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
