then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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