I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
