I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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