you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
