i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
