listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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