just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
