We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize