Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
