this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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