We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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