dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
