My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
