You're my little dorito
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Vodka?
Forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize