Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
