Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
