We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
