Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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