tell your sister to shave her snatch
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
