thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
