jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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