dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
