Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
