I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
