Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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