i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
