I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
