They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
