help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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