last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
