she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
