she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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