Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
