marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
