she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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