Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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