Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
