I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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