i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
