and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
