I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
