actually, I'm a sock model
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
