Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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