so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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