she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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