I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
