turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
