I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
