i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I deserve this hangover.
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