just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
