its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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