do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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