Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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