The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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