I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
