so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
