i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
