How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
