he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to align my fucking chakras
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