i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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