Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
