If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
