Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
