I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
