I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize