Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
