Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
