My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i have herpe
just one?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
