What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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