Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
