I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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