I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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