And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
