But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
