this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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