my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
