the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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