dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
