She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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