You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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