Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
