I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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