eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
