I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I CAN MOONWALK!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
