when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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