I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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